Morning Coffee

The cats have all been spending the majority of their time outside, but it's been raining all morning and they have all decided it's just too damp for any respectable cat to tolerate. So they are tucked into corners through out the house!

Name Games

I don't know if I'm going through the fabled "mid-life" crisis, or I'm just going a bit mental, but I've not been happy with my life the way it has been the last few years and I waver between totally separating myself from the situation or just making small changes. It seems the small changes are winning, and I find that the "small changes" reflect my much younger self to an extent. The weight loss for one (I've lost 25 pounds! It's amazing how much better I feel!), I'm drawing again, I'm listening to (new to me) music, I'm getting out with my friends occasionally, doing some funky things with my clothes, hair, nail enamel and makeup. And seriously considering changing my name. Not drastically. Just the spelling, really. I mentioned in a past post that people call me Sara, which isn't my name. My first name is actually Sara'Ann, but people can't seem to comprehend that Ann isn't my middle name. My Mom really didn't know what she was doing to me when she named me this. The problems I have had my whole life. She definitely couldn't have foreseen this computerized world we live in. Computers don't like my name. Sometimes I type it and hit enter and it comes up Sara#@&Ann, which is cartoon-speak for SaraDamnFuckingBitchAnn! What I would like to change it to is simply Saran. In fact, to a small amount, I've started using it.  I advise pregnant women, if the subject comes up, to not give their child a strange name or use a strange spelling. It will follow them for the rest of their life. The funny thing, going back to my younger self--there was a time when I had a bit of a double personality, for a period between my late teens and mid twenties. There was the sweet, nice, respectable girl named Sara'Ann and then there was the party girl who was into sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. She was Sara. And I could switch off between the two in an instant. I had two circles of people in my life and the people who knew one personality wouldn't have recognized the other. When I was in one personality I didn't like being called by the other name. I suppose it's a bit like someone calling you by your sibling's name. When I started this blog I was in a rather dark place and my goal was to only put in things I found positive in my life, just to remind myself that there was positive things, I just wasn't seeing them. I don't know what's going to happen in the next year, but I'm setting myself some new goals, giving myself a new name, and considering it a new start!

(The picture, altho not the one I wanted 'cos I can't find it, is Sara. You can tell because of all the liquor on the table!)

Garden Blahs

Somehow, after all of the cold weather and rain we've had this Spring, warm weather finally popped. And so has the flowers, and the grass, and the trees. My allergies haven't hit as hard this year, at least not yet. My worst time is usually when the cottonwoods start dropping their little cotton wads. That should be soon. I'm having a hard time getting interested in gardening this year. Maybe because it's just so late. I usually have my flower beds cleaned up by now, and new plants in the ground. We did manage to get the garden tilled and I got most of it planted over the weekend, but again, I'm not really interested in it. I was about 6 weeks ago, when I normally would have started. Some how, during the delay, I mentally just moved on! Maybe, when the seedlings start coming up, I'll get interested again. I had every intention of cleaning out one of the flower beds and making it into an herb garden, but it's so overgrown now (it's full of perennials)  that I think it'll wait until next year. On the up side, my daughter got home over the weekend and she doesn't know how long she is staying, so I guess I just want to spend my time with her!

Yikes!

Hard to do when you are surrounded by them! (Especially when they live in the same house.) But I try my best to stay "unaffected"!

HA!

Except it lasted more than 2 minutes. Thank goodness I'm over it!

Teetering on the Edge

I've always been on the plump-side. But during College, I did the typical College-girl thing--I quit eating. It wasn't a sudden thing where I decided to quit one morning and just did. Somehow, I gradually cut bits and pieces out of my meals until I was drinking a Coke for lunch and for supper I went to the restaurant where I worked and drank iced tea and ate lemon slices. Of course, I was aided by diet pills--legal speed. I lost weight, and I got a bit sick. It plays havoc with the immune system. Was I anorexic?  By the definition I was. It's a strange thing to go through. And I find myself on that teeter totter again. I spent the months after Christmas baking. A lot. My guys are both slim and need the extra calories just to maintain their weight. It's cheaper to bake than buy. I tried tons of new recipes. They were happy. I gained weight. Something clicked in my head a few weeks ago. This is coming off-- and then some. I mean, really clicked. I'm having a hard time making myself eat. The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach feels natural-- again. No diet aids, this time, tho. My goal is to eat healthy--I've cut most of my carbs and I'm eating more fruit. It's a challenge, telling myself to eat something instead of telling myself not to eat something.

My Inspiration

This is Noel Fielding and he's the artist that has inspired me to pick up a pencil again. Back in my Art School days I was into artists like Peter Max--very color driven, abstract types of art. I like people who see the brightness of the world, not the dark stuff. I'm not even that interested in fine art. When we go to art museums I find I'm attracted to pieces with lots of color over great detail. I greatly admire artists who can draw so finely that their pictures look like photos, but I have no interest in doing that. Somehow, finding time seems to be my biggest obstacle but I think I can make time, one way or another! (I do imagine it is going to mean less computer time, but that's probably a good thing!)