Monday, January 1, 2018

New Year's Reflections

2017 is behind us, and I can't say I'm sorry to see it go. Not even mentioning the political storm happening around the world, it's been a year when I've lost people and almost lost people, and each of those events has been accompanied by a hailstorm of reflections. The year started when a friend slipped on ice a few days before Christmas ('16) and was in a coma for weeks, and even now he's struggling to do the most basic things. I've watched my brother's family deal with my niece's cancer, I cried when a childhood friend died, and again when another told her #metoo story, something I had suspected when we were kids, but never knew for certain. And I was devastated when another lost her daughter to a drug OD just the week before Christmas.

I don't know if it's my age, but after each tragedy, I've reflected on the past and my relationship with each person; our interactions and shared history. I don't know if I remember things differently than they really were, or if I'm looking at them from a distance and seeing what I missed the first time, but that old adage "If I could go back, but know what I know now," seems so apt. No regrets, but yes...there are things I would do differently.

I've found myself during these last weeks embracing those around me, making sure they know I care. Because I'm not sure I did back then. No, that's wrong. Let me restate-- Because I didn't back then. Whether it was because I was unsure, or simply naive, I will never know. I think probably it was a bit of both. I look ahead to the coming year and I wish I could be optimistic, but I know my niece isn't going to get better. My Australian friend's daughter isn't going to get better, neither the father nor brother of one of my close friends will make it to 2019. That's it-that's how it is.

My job isn't secure, my car is ready to give up the ghost, and we need a new roof desperately (hopefully it'll make it to spring). But... the husband and I are going to celebrate our 30th anniversary this April, and if things go as planned, we're going to do that at Walt Disney World and I hope to publish a book or two this year. So there are things to look forward to, goals to set and work towards. So, I wish everyone of my virtual "friends" a Happy New Year...

...and please know, I value you all! The world is so big and so complicated, but it's nice to know we all have things in common. It's nice to not feel quite so alone.