Birthday Blahs

I turned 45 this week. I wasn't sure how I would do. Turning 30 and 40 didn't bother me, but 35 about killed me! So far, 45 hasn't bothered me a bit. I know the reason 35 bothered me was because I was in the middle of raising two young children, taking care of the house and working evenings and I believe there is something that goes on with alot of women when they are going through the day to day stress of being constantly "on". I mean, when your kids are little, you watch their every move. You want to keep them safe, and you are teaching them and preparing them to maneuver in the world. Plus, housework is the same repetition day after day. It's mentally exhausting! And most men don't get it. I'm not trying to take away from the stress I've seen the men in my life go through working full time--quite often being the familie's main financial supporter, often at jobs they don't like. But, at least in my case, I did most of the parenting. Even though I worked evenings and my husband took care of the kids, he still left the discipline to me. I would come home and he would say "You need to tell your daughter...." It got old, and when my 35th birthday came around I got rather depressed. One day I realized I couldn't remember what I had planned for my life when I was 17/18 years old. We have such lofty ideas when we are teenagers, then suddenly one day we wake up and realize that life happened. It took me a while to reconcile myself to being a wife and a mother. I think it was made harder by the fact that I never really planned on getting married and doing the whole house-wife thing. I just wasn't where I wanted to be. And chances were I never would be. So now it's 10 years later and the only difference is I'm working full time, my kids don't need Mom quite so much and I did go back to school and get my Bachelors degree. Not that it got me a job--everything I got offered was part-time and we just couldn't afford a smaller paycheck. So I'm a bit down about our financial situation, but at least my age isn't bothering me!

Winter Blahs

Things have been dreary. It's that "end of winter" that everyone seems to feel. A few of us at work decided our bodies want to hibernate, and we just keep trying to push ourselves forward by sheer force of will. The result is we are barely there--we are like puppets going through the motions. The last few days have been Spring Preview days--today got up to 71! Makes me want to be 22 again, no responsibilities. Just get off work and meet my friends at the bar and party all night! My Glory days! But that's not my life now. And like I said, it's just a preview. It's supposed to be back down in the 40s again by the middle of next week! It's just not fair!