Monday, December 5, 2011

Heavy

It doesn't feel like Christmas. I usually enjoy putting up the decorations and usually do it Thanksgiving weekend, but this year I can't seem to get into the mood. I know part of it is the fact that I think the cats are going to be a problem and some of my pieces are fragile. I think another part of my problem is that I am mad all of the time anymore. Work, politics, trying to figure out how to pay the bills. I'm not normally like this. And I've been trying to shake it off. But I guess some things just can't be shaken off! As far as the money thing goes I just have to hope I find a different job (not likely) or my husband gets more hours where he works (not looking likely, either). I wish I could think of a business we could start. I sell Avon and the hubby sells baseball cards on Ebay, but neither is profitable enough to help much. I'm mad about work. My son worked at the store where I work and a couple of weeks ago he quit. Things are such a mess there and things were said, things that had been building for a while. My son said some immature things, but he's still a kid. They say immature things. But he wouldn't have if the boss hadn't started it. Now my son feels bad about what happened and I really do blame the adult in the situation. He should have know better. So now I hurt for my son. I'm mad about the political situation. Last week my step-brother sent a joke e-mail. I guess I never realized we are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. I'm sure he found the joke hilarious, but it just pissed me off to no end. I started twice to respond to it, finally I just deleted it. Nasty words from me wouldn't have helped any thing. But there is so much that I keep quiet about just to keep peace within the family. And I'm finding it to be heavier and heavier to carry inside. And I miss my daughter. She'll be home in two weeks. Maybe by then I won't feel like crying all of the time. And then I can enjoy the Season. My rule was not to blog about the negative, but right now I'm just not feeling much positive. I think when we feel this heavy inside, it's hard to see the good things going on around us. My brother, who I haven't seen in over a year, is going to be here for a couple of nights at the end of the week (passing through for work) and I'm excited to see him. I guess I'll just try to hold on to that feeling for now!

1 comment:

froggy said...

Part of family is conservative and GOP - at the wedding of one of my nieces, during the toast, the groom stood up and warmly recounted his acceptance into the family and how honored he felt to join them (was very touching) and then said, 'I now feel safe to tell (new father-in-law) that I voted for Bill Clinton. Both times.' The whole room cracked up.