Birthday Blahs

I turned 45 this week. I wasn't sure how I would do. Turning 30 and 40 didn't bother me, but 35 about killed me! So far, 45 hasn't bothered me a bit. I know the reason 35 bothered me was because I was in the middle of raising two young children, taking care of the house and working evenings and I believe there is something that goes on with alot of women when they are going through the day to day stress of being constantly "on". I mean, when your kids are little, you watch their every move. You want to keep them safe, and you are teaching them and preparing them to maneuver in the world. Plus, housework is the same repetition day after day. It's mentally exhausting! And most men don't get it. I'm not trying to take away from the stress I've seen the men in my life go through working full time--quite often being the familie's main financial supporter, often at jobs they don't like. But, at least in my case, I did most of the parenting. Even though I worked evenings and my husband took care of the kids, he still left the discipline to me. I would come home and he would say "You need to tell your daughter...." It got old, and when my 35th birthday came around I got rather depressed. One day I realized I couldn't remember what I had planned for my life when I was 17/18 years old. We have such lofty ideas when we are teenagers, then suddenly one day we wake up and realize that life happened. It took me a while to reconcile myself to being a wife and a mother. I think it was made harder by the fact that I never really planned on getting married and doing the whole house-wife thing. I just wasn't where I wanted to be. And chances were I never would be. So now it's 10 years later and the only difference is I'm working full time, my kids don't need Mom quite so much and I did go back to school and get my Bachelors degree. Not that it got me a job--everything I got offered was part-time and we just couldn't afford a smaller paycheck. So I'm a bit down about our financial situation, but at least my age isn't bothering me!

Winter Blahs

Things have been dreary. It's that "end of winter" that everyone seems to feel. A few of us at work decided our bodies want to hibernate, and we just keep trying to push ourselves forward by sheer force of will. The result is we are barely there--we are like puppets going through the motions. The last few days have been Spring Preview days--today got up to 71! Makes me want to be 22 again, no responsibilities. Just get off work and meet my friends at the bar and party all night! My Glory days! But that's not my life now. And like I said, it's just a preview. It's supposed to be back down in the 40s again by the middle of next week! It's just not fair!

Happy V-Day!

Valentine's Day has never been a big deal around here, not because I didn't want to but because my husband isn't particularly romantic and finds it all a bit silly. I guess after 20 years I know not to expect anything. So I was a bit surprised when he actually suggested we go out to eat today! I think it's just because this is the first Saturday he hasn't had to work since he started his new job in December! I'm not picky--I'll take him up on it!

I got told at work they expected cookies, so they got cookies!

Winter Wonderland

We seemed to get some good snows when I was a kid. In fact, my High School Graduation was held two weeks later then normal because we had so much snow that year that we missed about 3 weeks of school. My kids have never seen a winter like we saw in the 70's and early 80's. In fact, I just realized recently that they have never been sledding. How sad! Well, last week they got a little taste of it. I believe this is the most snow we've had since we moved to this house, and that will be 10 years come September. It's true that 10 years ago during the first of January we got a good amount, but that was also with freezing rain on top of it. Not good to play in. Unfortunately, both kids are old enough now it was more of an inconvenience (trying to dig the car out!) than it was fun. But the school called two snow days, so my son thought it was a wonderful thing!

Music

When I was in High School and College, music was my It. I'm not musically inclined--I played clarinet in Band and took Piano lessons, but I was never a natural. And I've never been able to carry a tune well. But music was always playing in my head, even if there wasn't any actual music playing. My brother has a huge amount of natural talent. He had a garage band all through High School that was pretty popular among the teenyboppers in the area. I had this idea that they were going to make it big and I was going to be a roadie. Future planned. Life was good! Of course, they graduated and went their separate ways, and I was floundering in college. Somehow, I ended up married and had children and got too busy to keep up. But now that the kids are about grown up I find I have more time on my hands. I think I would like to find that artsy side of myself again, just not sure how. I've been listening to my Playlist all afternoon. I've been adding a song here and there for the last 6 months, but hadn't actually ever listened to it for more than a hand full of songs. It makes me feel young again!

Cold Fish

For the last several years we have had a water disaster at Christmas. Two years ago, even as the Tsunami hit Asia, the water pipe in the mud room burst. Last year, even though it was turned off, it burst again. This year, the roof leaked (and we have a fairly new roof!). We laughed--"ha, ha, we've had our water disaster for Christmas". Ha, ha. We didn't know that was only a preview. Christmas at Mom's didn't turn out quite as expected. My stepbrother from the Chicago area was sick so he and his wife didn't make it. Therefore, the party was small. And when we headed home, we found that the forecast for "flash floods" was spot on. I drive a Dodge Neon. Great car. No trouble with it and the gas mileage is great. But it is fairly low to the ground. I was driving through water that was up to the door and it was making me nervous. It didn't help that it was dark. I decided to take a shortcut across some gravel that turned out not to be gravel. The more I tried to get out of the mud, the deeper I got! I called my Stepdad and he came with his four-wheel drive and he was able to pull us out. And it was raining the whole time. By the time we got home, we were covered head to toe in mud! I don't imagine I have to even explain how my car looked--inside and out! (But, hey, it's a funny story I can tell my Grandkids some day!) So we laughed, "ha, ha, I guess that was the water disaster of 2008!" Only, today the cat spilled the aquarium water that I was using to water my plants, then the hose at the sink popped apart and squirted all over me. I'm a Pisces, so I'm taking this all as a good sign for 2009!

Merry Christmas!

Perfect Christmas so far this year (except not a whiff of snow). Work was fun yesterday for me--we don't have any music playing up front in the store, so the kids started singing. The last 20 minutes they all stood at the door and "caroled" the customers. Loudly. Badly. But it was hilarious! Then presents with the husband and kids this morning. We never let the kids just rip and snort through their presents--we always took turns so that it would last at least a little while. I was always glad that they took the time to appreciate each gift as it was opened, not just toss it aside and grab another one. Then my folks are coming for dinner this afternoon. And we will have the "family Christmas" with my step brothers on Saturday. The only thing that could make it better (other than some snow!) is if my brother and his family were here. Anyway, Merry Christmas, everyone!