Tension

I'm so ready for Spring. Except the pollen is already making me sick. I try not to take very much medicine because I've gotten too dependent on it in the past, but I think I'm going to have to if the last couple of days have been any indication. I was so looking forward to this summer--our money situation is much better and I had planned on taking several trips. But I'm getting a bad feeling about things. Too many people in my extended family are sick, meaning cancer. It's like my body knows what is coming and already doesn't want to fight it. I'm not the best at handling things. I fell apart just before Dad died and ended up on medication for the last month. Maybe things are different now--I don't have a toddler and a new baby plus a new job to also deal with. On the upside, I have a job where I can take off whenever I need to so I can help the ones that need help. Maybe I won't get pulled to the breaking point this time. Maybe it just won't be as bad as I'm afraid it's going to be. Maybe.